Sports and Recreation

Top Ten Reasons Why I Am Bad at Bowling

My Dad taught me to bowl when I was knee high to a grasshopper. It wasn’t until I met my husband that I learned the fine art of bowling. In our dating years, we went bowling a lot. It wasn’t until we got married that we joined a league. Our first league was a NASCAR summer league. It was a lot of fun. It was then that I began the lessons from a true bowling master, my husband; also known as Rex in many of my stories. (I never use real names; mainly to protect the innocent.)

I have learned many tips and techniques in the years I have been bowling, but the biggest thing I have learned is the fact that the conditions change frequently and so do the excuses. You can sit in the bowling alley on a league night and hear just as many excuses on why someone bowled badly as hanging out in an old fishing bar and hearing the stories of the ones that got away. The creativity is the best part!

From that, I have learned my own style of making up reasons on why I bowled poorly that night. See if any resemble ones you have used, or heard!

The lanes are dry, there is no oil.    My ball won’t react if there is no oil.    My thumb stuck and that is why I missed the 10 pin.    The lane is warped.    The sheen from the excessive amount of oil on the lane distracted me.    The pins weren’t in the right places. The three pin was off its mark.    My shoe was untied.    My shoe stuck and I couldn’t slide.    I forgot to tie my shoes.    Has anyone seen my shoes?    I had to use ‘house’ shoes.    I can’t count.    Who left popcorn on the lane? I slipped on the popcorn.    Some kid spilled soda and I stuck.    I just got a new ball and I am learning how it reacts.    My new ball just got drilled.    My fingers stuck because my ball was drilled wrong.    I got the oil from the lanes in my finger holes.    The weight of my ball is wrong, it pulls to one side.    My new ball reacts better to a dry lane.    Did they oil the lanes for league? I didn’t see any!    I hurt my back… last year and the pain comes back on nights like this.    Oh, I forgot to tell you I sprained my ankle.    The chili fries didn’t agree with me.    I had gas.    There wasn’t enough beer.    There was too much beer.    The other team took too long and I lost my rhythm.    A dog barked and I lost my rhythm.    The pins are too heavy and the lane is rigged.    The paint on the pins is too white.    The pins are too dirty and I couldn’t tell them apart.    “Are those regulation pins?”    My bowling ball is too fat.    I can’t count.    The air dryer on the ball return was malfunctioning.    I missed the strike because my daughter said her first word.    While pregnant, “I just got kicked! No fair!”    My ball was too heavy.    My ball was too light.    I had to use a house ball.    My phone went off.    My phone was on vibrate and distracted me.    My Bluetooth fell out.    That spare was rigged.    I had French fry oil in my finger holes.    The gutter was too wide… is it regulation?    The scent from my ball (wild cherry) distracted me.    I’m on a drinking team with a bowling problem.    I missed the spare because I used my ‘strike’ ball..    I missed the strike because I used my ‘spare’ ball.    I missed my average because I forgot it.    Does this game count? I thought we were still in shadow practice.    I thought this was a handicap league.    The ball return was humming too loud.    The ball return wouldn’t return my ball.    My ball was stuck under the lane and I lost my rhythm.    The mechanic won’t return my calls.    The automatic scorer didn’t score right.    I can’t count.

There are several other ways to improve your accuracy as well. You can get yourself a better bowling ball, new shoes and wrist supports. All these will help you in improving your bowling game as well. You should visit for information on these topics.


Paola Garcia lives in Jakarta Indonesia. She is an associate professor in University of Indonesia and also managing Scoopinion at the same time. She is also fond of watching theatrical plays.
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