FamilyGuide

How to Avoid Being a Control Freak!

Those of you who have received relationship counseling or have read any literature on the subject, are probably familiar with why people are attracted to one another in the first place. For those of you that are not, the basics are that people tend to be attracted to people that can give them what was missing from developmental steps in their childhood. It is not the only factor, but a significant one. So if you tend to be attracted to a certain type of person, then the chances are it is because they offer something that was missing in your upbringing.

Obviously, this has a huge barring on the kind of person your future partner will be and, if you feel that a suitable mate should lavish attention upon you, or that you should be constantly in their thoughts all day every day, seven days a week, and feel insecure if you are not, then you could be running the risk of being a control freak. Read more to find out some of the common facts about relationships that you might have not observed till now.

When relationships develop and two people start to living together, there is a natural tendency to have a subconscious battle for power. To begin with when they are having sex in every room in the home, all day every day, it does not seem to be a problem, but years down the line, too much power being handed to one person could cause the relationship to crack and crumble.

The tendency to control is probably the offspring of some kind of uncertainty in childhood. If you are in control you are secure and this obviously gives reassurance and comfort. The danger is that control can lead to repression and a break down of communication. When that happens, effectively the relationship is on the rocks.

If you feel that your partner should be home when you tell them too, or should not wear clothes that you do not like and you make them feel bad about it when they do, you are probably damaging the relationship, them, and you. Especially if this gives you gratification.

So what can you do about it?

Well the obvious answer is counselling, but for many of you this could be a drastic and scary measure. Alternatively, remember these facts.

Your partner is probably attracted to you because they lacked a guiding hand in their upbringing. They will probably be laid back and easy going and so you probably find it easy to get what you want from them. Just remember that they are not your possession and need to have a voice in the relationship too. Respect an opinion even if you disagree with it, and always listen to them. Your respect for them as a person is vital.

Try and let go! Does it really matter if they’re half hour late home from work because they were talking to colleagues? Is it a big deal they went for that drink after aerobics? Is it really a sign they do not love you or is it just a something that is going on in your head. Be honest with yourself here and ask yourself why you feel so insecure when they are not doing what you want them to? In short, chill out

A good relationship is amazing and wonderful. For them to be this way, both partners need to have a voice and both must respect each other. That way both keep talking and any relationship counsellor will tell you that communication is vital to the survival of any relationship. If one partner is repressed then true dialogue stops and the demise of the relationship is inevitable.

Paola

Paola Garcia lives in Jakarta Indonesia. She is an associate professor in University of Indonesia and also managing Scoopinion at the same time. She is also fond of watching theatrical plays.

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